The New Year’s Resolution Gone Wrong


The human being is capable of great idealism . . . and great delusion, as these resolutions humorously attest.

Resolution #1
2015: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2016: I will not leave Marge.
2017: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2018: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

Resolution #2
2015: I will go to church every Sunday.
2016: I will go to church as often as possible.
2017: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2018: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

Resolution #3
2015: I will not let my boss push me around.
2016: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2017: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2018: I will tell Dr. Hodges and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2015: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2016: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2017: I will read 5 books a year.
2018: I will finish The DaVinci Code.

Resolution #5
2015: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.
2016: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.
2017: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2018: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.

Resolution #6
2015: I will get my weight down below 180.
2016: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2017: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2018: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2015: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2016: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2017: I will not become a “problem drinker.”
2018: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2015: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2016: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2017: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2018: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2025.

Resolution #9
2015: I will see my dentist this year.
2016: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2017: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2018: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Good luck with those resolutions this year. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Generally, if you listen to your body and give it what it needs, you will be all right. The same goes for your soul.


5 Responses to The New Year’s Resolution Gone Wrong
  1. Michael
    December 29, 2017 | 12:47 pm

    David, I’m sure I did, but I just don’t recall giving permission to publish my lists. I’m a little miffed but I keep telling myself: If it helps someone else, well, what’s the great harm?
    Happy New Year! PS: Marge and Wanda say hi.

    • David Anderson
      December 29, 2017 | 2:25 pm


  2. Susan Poulson
    December 29, 2017 | 6:51 pm

    Dear David, I was one of the lucky people to travel with you and the group to Israel 6 years ago. I love getting your posts, especially this one that made me laugh out loud! Thanks and Happy New Year to you and family!

  3. Matt
    December 30, 2017 | 9:12 am

    Belly laugh! Some of these hit a little close to home making them all the funnier.

  4. Ginny Lovas
    December 30, 2017 | 8:58 pm

    Stopped making resolutions years ago. They are never kept by me – tho I do think about what I should change.


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