For All The Robin Williams’s in My Life
I was startled, then saddened this morning to read of Robin Williams’ death.
“. . .suicide by asphyxia.”
“ . . . battling severe depression.”
“ . . . addiction to alcohol.”
“. . . an admitted abuser of cocaine — which he also referred to as ‘Peruvian marching power’ and ‘the devil’s dandruff’.”
I spent a moment mourning my own loss. (It’s always an emotional surprise to see how personally you connected to a celebrity.) Then I texted my two daughters, “come home so we can watch Mrs Doubtfire and shed a crazy laughing tear together.”
Then my heart sank a moment for all the people I know who have lost someone to suicide, and those who have, in desperation, attempted it. Their hearts will be heavy this morning, I thought. I ran their names and faces before me.
Then I thought of people I cannot name because they are Anonymous, my best friends who seek—sometimes by fearsome struggle—to maintain sobriety. For one day. The alcohol people and the drug people and the food people. I let their faces arise in my mind, all of them smiling, and I wanted to give them a good hug. This is not a good day for anyone who reads a big blue book or walks a twelve-step path.
Once, in an interview with Diane Sawyer, Robin Williams said his addiction had not been “caused by anything, it’s just there.” He would know. Yes.
“It waits,” Mr. Williams continued. “It lays in wait for the time when you think, ‘It’s fine now, I’m O.K.’ Then, the next thing you know, it’s not O.K. Then you realize, ‘Where am I? I didn’t realize I was in Cleveland.’ ”
In some way we all live on that knife edge, when it appears that everything is “fine now” and yet the darkness “lays in wait.” So all we can do is, be kind. We never know who is struggling today. And as this loss reminds us yet again, even those who appear to “have it all” are sometimes more likely to realize that they are in Cleveland.
Be compassionate today. As someone once said, “In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough.”
I have a quote on my fridge that says “It’s not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed.” Your post today reminds me of that quote. It’s a sad day indeed and my heart is heavy. Thanks for some inspiration in the midst of it all, David.
It’s the “you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough” line that speaks to me today. The only way I know to combat the demons that torture and vices that tempt is to practice kindness (not to be confused with indulgence) to myself.
A sad day indeed…a lost treasure for all.
Almost lost my beautiful son to this disease last fall. Today is a frightening day.
Thank you David. It’s a sad reminder of all those who suffer in silence. Another case where simple kindness helps others and ourselves.
How true – In some way we all live on that knife edge, when it appears that everything is “fine now” and yet the darkness “lays in wait.” ..and when it does appear we are surprised.
Thank you for a touching, personal post David..
I feel sad when I think of Robin Williams (the same way I felt about Philip Seymour Hoffman) and how alone he must have felt at the very end. And then I feel really sad for all those out there that felt so alone at their end and didn’t make the front page. I have felt that aloneness. Robin did what he could, he tried to get help but guess it was too much. It makes me open my big blue book and re-emphasize this is a matter of life and death and it could care less where you come from, what you do, how many friends you have. It wants you to succumb. I just really feel for his family today, there is nothing they could do. And I am grateful for today. Hugs.
Emotional extravagance. I who spend too much and eat too much–may I love too much today. Thanks David. And thanks Pam for the distinction between kindness and indulgence.
David I recently signed up for your blog. I am blessed by reading bit everyday. Today is no exception. The wisdom of being a hot kinder than needed…how right on! Thank you for writing for all of is!
Thank you, David for this thoughtful post. We need these reminders every day. It is so sad that the death of someone so universally cherished has sparked this one today.
David, we just watched Mrs Doubtfire a few days ago and enjoyed the laughter together. Yes, how silly for me not to dispense kindness liberally when I am in need of so much grace and kindness myself.
Always so sad to loose ones life after such a valiant struggle. Having grown up with a mother who struggled with alcohol and depression and the stigma surrounding it, you realize that it is indeed a valiant struggle. Her life and her struggle increased my compassion and empathy. Her gift to me.
I knew he struggled – I feel so bad that he felt he needed to end his life. Perhaps if he knew how much people cared about him, he would again have sought help. May God be with him and with us. Ginny