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by David Anderson

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I Died of the Flu

January 4, 2014 by David Anderson 11 Comments

You can die from the flu.

How I know is, I’ve been invaded by a virulent bug since New Year’s Eve. The next morning my throat was scratchy and I was coughing. I had a cold, I thought. The next day I could hardly get out of bed. There seemed a half-gallon of crud in my lungs and every joint ached. I drank a lot of water, took some meds and thought I’d be better by morning. I wasn’t, but reasoned that I was OK because at least I was no worse.

That was yesterday. By nightfall the chills came on. I shook. So, I thought, against all odds I have contracted malaria. Great. With my lungs flooded, my nasal passages clogged and all my muscles constricted I was having trouble breathing. I lay in bed shivering and panting. It was about eight o’clock, too late to see a doctor, it would have to be the E.R. If things didn’t get better in the night, we said, we’d go.

Pam got a hair dryer and heated the bed. I took more pills. She rubbed my back and arms to relax my muscles. Gradually the chills abated, my breathing slowed and I felt my heart rate diminish. We knew that I would be all right in the night, and in that knowledge Pam slowly fell asleep at my side.

It was ten thirty and I lay in bed looking out through the big windows at the foot of the bed. The night was cold and clear. I saw the stars and the blinking lights of airliners headed for destinations unknown. It felt good to be alive and breathing, good to feel Pam’s arm resting on my chest, hearing the quiet susurration of her dreamy breathing. Time seemed to suspend and place fell away. I lay among the stars, among the blinking airships, and this was—as Jacob found in his dream—“the gate of heaven.”

Most of us know what it is like to be very sick, or in sudden danger, and to think, “What if I should die?” It is almost silly, but that does not prevent the mind—especially three days shut up in a sick room—from imagining, “They thought it was just the flu, you see, and so they didn’t go to the doctor, and then in the middle of the night his breathing became labored and the next thing you know . . . .”

It is a small dying and rising, which we feel every time we lie down to sleep, as that old children’s prayer begs, “if I should die before I wake,” but which we feel in more intense forms in sickness or injury. People who have lain at death’s door and then recover and live often feel that they have died to one life and been given another.

In a small way, that is how I felt at ten thirty last night. I fell asleep and woke at two o’clock. The turtle neck I had put on when I could not stop shivering was soaked. I took it off, put on a dry tee shirt, went back to bed and woke at dawn.

Filed Under: Awareness, Death/Dying, Faith/Trust, Fear, Suffering

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. eric says

    January 4, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    Excellent. Love the image of laying in bed looking out the windows…

    Reply
  2. David Anderson says

    January 4, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    Nice to hear from you, Eric–and thanks for reading.

    Reply
  3. Sandy Oldfield says

    January 5, 2014 at 12:00 am

    a friend of a friend, a nurse, age 61, did just die of the coughing bug turned into pneumonia. she thought she was on top of it and could take care of it herself. life is ephemeral, good to appreciate it anew, especially the warm weight of a loved one’s arm. thanks, always, for your keen perception.

    Reply
    • David Anderson says

      January 5, 2014 at 3:58 pm

      Always nice to hear your voice, Sandy.

      Reply
  4. John says

    January 5, 2014 at 7:43 am

    Thank you for the reminder that the power of denial is very strong. The brain tells us crazy things, stuff we want to believe, such that we almost have to be scared out of our (old) minds to see our situation with clarity.

    PS: I take some comfort that you must be feeling better to be able to compose a post for the blog. We don’t want you on that airliner for destinations unknown.

    Reply
    • David Anderson says

      January 5, 2014 at 3:44 pm

      Ha!

      Reply
  5. Michael says

    January 5, 2014 at 11:02 am

    David, only you can make beauty of a sickness like this! So glad you’re feeling better.

    Reply
  6. Art says

    January 5, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    So sorry you were so sick! Not the least bit surprised you found the joy amidst the pain.

    Reply
  7. Kathy F says

    January 5, 2014 at 6:48 pm

    David, I am sorry that you have been so sick! You wrote so clearly of your experience that I felt a tremendous relief when I read about the turning point, when you began to know that you were going to be all right! Such beautiful writing! A good reminder of how sweet life is.

    Reply
  8. Ginny Lovas says

    January 5, 2014 at 7:20 pm

    I know what you are trying to convey in this message – but next year, please get the Flu Shot! It really is the safe thing to do! Honest, you can die from the FLU!

    God Bless You, Ginny

    Reply
  9. Margaret Anderson says

    January 6, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    Glad that you have gotten through the worst of that bug. So sorry that you had to go down that road. Please take some days off to recuperate, so it doesn’t rebound.We need you, all well. Blessings, mugsie

    Reply

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