“We come home, walk in the door and compete for who had the shittiest day.” It was a holiday dinner party, a few days before Christmas, and everyone was tired of hearing stories of crazed and exhausted people. That’s when Fred spoke up. Immediately we all broke into laughter: it was so true. Of us.
What if instead, Fred suggested, we competed to see who had the most light-filled day? We all shook our heads. Where’s the fun in that? People would look at you funny, someone said. Yeah, said another, when someone asks about your day—especially in late December—they expect an insane tale of hilarious misery. To disappoint that social expectation during the holidays would be considered tone deaf. You don’t get it.
On the Sunday after Thanksgiving I heard a pastor say to his congregation at announcement time, “I hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving with your families. I noticed today that when people asked me about my Thanksgiving I felt compelled to launch into a tale of horrific traffic on 95 between here and Boston. Rather than tell people some of the good things that happened.” He went on to relate one of those radiant moments.
Competing for the worst is the backwards way we establish our bona fides. The busy, crazy people are the most important, the most sought after, the wealthiest with the most places to be, the highest achieving, and so on. People who are not busy, not stressed and whacked out are, what?—rubes? slightly touched?
Quite simply, if you want to compete for something else you have to be comfortable not seeming all that important, sought after, wealthy, achieving. In a word, normal. You may have to hang out with Krishnamurti, who said, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
I will be watching myself this Christmas, to see, when people ask about my holiday, what story I tell.
So true! I try to keep a life-enhancing life pace, and I get odd looks when I don’t join in on how overworked I am – but I never thought about it as a social competition I was losing. What an odd truth…peace, Johnna
What we believe we see. What we see we believe.
Beyond any religion or persona, the Christ Consciousness within me recognizes the Christ Consciousness within you.
Each little gift we offer our brother and sister lights up the world.
At This Table – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acRAIkV7QDc
With Love As Love ~ Monte
Great insight David. Glad your soul is still ruminating on such things. Loved the Krishnamurti quote too. Merry Christmas and God rest yours and your loved ones soul this Christmas.
Hey David, another great post. Isn’t it amazing that at holiday time, at a party, our chosen entertainment is misery! Thanks for the reminder that how feel is my choice. I can turn from unhappiness, start listing my blessings and then “think on these things.”
I find that as I get older, I am more relaxed about the ” Holidays”, Things get done, cards go out, the little great nieces and nephews get Christmas Presents, the tree and trimmings go up. I no longer stay up late and fuss about what is not done.
This year I do have a dear cat of mine who is dying, and that is tough, but Joe and I take much time out of the frenzy of the Holidays to hold and talk to him – that is the most important thing. Everything else will fall into place, and happen.
God bless your family this year. Ginny
Being with a cat as he nears his end—holding him, taking to him—that is as holy and good and true as it gets.
Thank you!
Also want to tell you that the eye you blessed for me last year is working very well. I am forever grateful.
Ginny
Bless you and your wonderful family this Christmas.
That makes me so happy. This summer I began to have problems with my left eye, and I lost some vision in it. So I am particularly sympathetic to those with eye problems.
Wow… I never really stopped to think about how often many of us make those negative responses. I will certainly make an effort in the future to focus on the many wonderful little gifts of the season. Thank you!
Great one David. Really love this. Being a complainer is a bad habit.
Who wants to hear the mushy guy who’s “loving life” because a stranger said “Good morning” to him? Well, I do! It lowers my stress, puts a smile on my face, and it reminds me to act the same.
Keep being that “mushy” guy!