Finding God in the Dark
“Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?”
The questioner who is so confused he doesn’t know if Jesus is the messiah, the man who’s being eaten alive by doubt and misgiving is none other than John the Baptist. What turned the fiery shouter into a doubter? He’s ended up in prison for challenging king Herod, and when you’re in the dungeon staring down a death sentence, things look a little different.
Jesus’ answer comes back to the jail cell. “Can’t you see, John?—look at my ministry. The blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear.” I imagine John muttering to himself, That’s great—I’m glad for all those people you’ve cleansed and healed. But what about me? Have you forgotten me?
That is the question we all ask in the dark. Does suffering separate me from a loving God?
In her book, “Two Part Invention,” Madeleine L’Engle tells the story of her marriage to Hugh Franklin and the illness that took his life. After a harrowing surgery Hugh returns home to begin a long recovery, and a few days later L’Engle must leave for a conference of Christian booksellers. There, she writes, “I hear people tell of some good or lucky event and then say, ‘Surely the Lord was with me.’ And my hackles go up. . . .” “My husband is desperately ill, so where is the Lord? . . . Doesn’t such an attitude trivialize the activities and concerns of the Maker? Doesn’t it imply that God is with us only during the good and fortuitous times and withdraws and abandons us when things go wrong?”
She concludes, “I will have nothing to do with a God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when the good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness.”
I certainly empathize with what John the Baptist and Madeleine L’Engle felt in their darkest hours. I felt forsaken. But I also can’t explain how I got out except by the Grace of God.
That’s the paradox–can’t explain it, you just live it and know it.
Thanks, David. That is one of my favorite books – I found it at the Tattered Cover bookstore in Denver, in a section titled “Discomfort.”
David, thanks for the reminder that, every so often, shouters become doubters.
This reminds me of after my accident when I knew God was with me but I also struggled deeply with people telling me “everything happens for a reason” because that implied to me that God had MEANT to have this awful thing happen to me. It was through trusting in God and praying to God that I came to the decision that God doesn’t mean for bad things to happen to us, but He will always surround us with love and help and strength if only we are willing to admit we can’t fight the darkness alone. Thanks for this reminder David!
That’s such a powerful testimony, Meredith, because with you it’s not theoretical–you have had to fight your way through this very real trauma, and your life radiates the joy and love that comes from above.
The unvarnished truths are so insightful that I am taping them in my Bible.
( Mathew 11:1-5 ) I will need to read this again and again. Thank you!
‘The splitting of the chrysalis and the slow unfolding of the wings…’
God has promised never to leave us. My own child is sleeping in one of His hands. He holds my wounded heart in His other. I will never doubt His love His faithfulness.
Thank you for those words, which ache with deep love and hope. I honor the Light within you.
That last line is true in my life – “ We are closest to God in the darkness.” Nothing in Him changes but it certainly does in us. I remind myself of that saying by Joseph Bayly, “Don’t forget in the darkness what you learned in the light.”
Susan’s and Joseph’s Bayly’s words rang within me. After the most gruesome loss a mother can endure, my faith became stronger. Why would I be angry with God who welcomed my child and Who stands always, ready to weep with me? This is a dark time, in truth, for me. And the one light I need, I see: Jesus.
Thank you, Susan and Donna, for that beautiful back-and-forth
Susan’s and Joseph Bayly’s words rang within me. After the most gruesome loss a mother can endure, my faith became stronger. Why would I be angry with God who welcomed my child and Who stands always, ready to weep with me? This is a dark time, in truth, for me. And the one light I need, I see: Jesus.