I am sitting with my father, playing gin rummy, but I might as well be sitting in a monastery or any retreat house. I am here for a week. Our days are simple and highly ritualized. Breakfast is at 8:30. (Two eggs on an English muffin, daily, for him.) We may converse for a while […]
Family
Moving Maggy
Eight boxes. That’s how many they packed for their last move to a new apartment in Manhattan. Thirty boxes. That’s the number for the move three years later. On Saturday, Pam and I helped our daughter and son-in-law, Maggy and Andy, move into their new apartment in New York. After years of renting, they finally […]
The Heartbreak of Truth
There is an old Jewish story about the young pupil who asks the respected rabbi a question about that well-known passage in Deuteronomy 6:6. “And these words, which I command you this day, shall be upon your heart.” “Why is it this way?” the pupil asks. “Why are we told to put these words upon […]
The Hardest Thing to Do
The hardest thing to do is to accept another person as they are. That truth resounded once more this week as I listened to a woman talk about a struggle with her sister. They were often at odds, she said, because their lives were so—blood—similar and yet so completely different. They had different career goals, […]
Blood is Thicker
This morning I was on the phone with a colleague. As we were winding down our conversation I mentioned that I had just returned from my annual family reunion. “Oh,” he said, “you know what my family calls those annual get-togethers? Dysfunction Junction.” We had a laugh. Families and their awkward attempts at reunion are […]
The Disobedient Guide Dog
First you must learn to obey. Good. Then, it is just as important to learn to disobey. We teach children to obey their parents and all the other authority figures in their lives. This is critical, not just for their moral development, but for their basic safety and well being. When I was a young […]
Second Marriage (Same People)
Today is my 35th wedding anniversary. Pam and I were married June 3rd 1978 in Panama City, Florida. After 35 years, my marriage is blessedly the most important thing in my life. But it wasn’t always. We all marry a fantasy, an idealized image of the perfect husband or wife. A few months or years […]
Giving Birth in Hospice
Pam spent last night sleeping in a chair beside her father’s hospital bed. He is dying. “It is like sitting with someone who is giving birth,” Pam said. “It’s hard work. It can be frightening—you need strength and courage to undergo this suffering, this ordeal, to bring a life to birth. And,” she said, “it’s […]