This Year I Will . . .
The human being is capable of great idealism . . . and great delusion, as these resolutions humorously attest.
Resolution #1
2010: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2011: I will not leave Marge.
2012: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2013: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.
Resolution #2
2010: I will go to church every Sunday.
2011: I will go to church as often as possible.
2012: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2013: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
Resolution #3
2010: I will not let my boss push me around.
2011: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2012: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2013: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.
Resolution #4
2010: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2011: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2012: I will read 5 books a year.
2013: I will finish The DaVinci Code.
Resolution #5
2010: I will not get upset when Charlie and Sam make jokes about my baldness.
2011: I will not get annoyed when Charlie and Sam kid me about my toupee.
2012: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2013: I will not speak to Charlie and Sam.
Resolution #6
2010: I will get my weight down below 180.
2011: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2012: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2013: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
Resolution #7
2010: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2011: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2012: I will not become a “problem drinker.”
2013: I will not miss any AA meetings.
Resolution #8
2010: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2011: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2012: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2013: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2020.
Resolution #9
2010: I will see my dentist this year.
2011: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2012: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2013: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.
Good luck with those resolutions this year. And don’t be too hard on yourself. Generally, if you listen to your body and give it what it needs, you will be all right. The same goes for your soul.
Oh man, that is hilarious! Plead the 5th on which ones I relate to (but it’s a lot of them!). I have one resolution this year…don’t push the river.
This is laugh-out-loud funny–because it is so true! It’s good to end the year with a good laugh. I’ve been thinking about my resolutions for 2013, but I’m thinking now that my best resolution would be to make no more resolutions!
Thanks, David!
Happy New Year:)
I will read the Bible in 2013, a day at a time. Ginny
Now that’s a great resolve.
Too funny. Maybe because I can relate. I’ll never forget hearing a woman talk on resolutions. She said that if it’s important enough for you to change, start right now. New Year’s is just another turning of the calendar page.