Just Drop It
Everybody talks about “letting go.” Then why don’t we?
In October a delivery truck hit the stone wall at the entrance to our driveway, doing modest damage. For months I’ve been calling the company owner to respond to the repair estimate he requested. Every time I call, the receptionist says Ricky is out, but will call me just as soon as he gets back. But he doesn’t call.
Yesterday I phoned and got the same message from the receptionist. I said I was really tired of this run-around. Yes, she said, but today would be different. But it wasn’t. As the day wore on, I found myself getting angry, agitated. Checking my phone for messages from this guy. Talking to myself. Finally I snapped out of it. Why was I letting this random guy, Ricky, rule my life?
Author Michael Singer has remarkable insight into how and why we hold onto troubling experiences and emotions. On any given day, most all your encounters pass right through your heart. On your way to work you might meet dozens of people, have brief conversations. You don’t hold onto any of those experiences. They pass right through you. But if an annoying co-worker makes a joke about the color of your shoes, you hold onto that. All day.
That’s because deep in your heart space, Singer says, are two grasping hands. They seize and hold onto whatever experiences you’ve programed your mind to retain. You could just as well let the co-worker’s joke pass right through you, like all the other exchanges of the morning. Everyone knows Brian makes crazy comments—not worth taking seriously. But those grasping hands won’t let that one go, because you’ve tasked your mind: Seize and retain all uncomfortable experiences, even if they’re only in my imagination.
What I’ve come to learn is that “letting go” is not really possible if we are living in constant clenching. We can’t store up hundreds and thousands of painful memories—small and great—and then ask God to help us let go. The key is to stop grabbing, holding and re-living that stuff in the first place!
Late afternoon, when Ricky had still not called, I realized what I was doing and stopped. I said out loud, “I don’t want to hold onto this.” Then I put my hands out in front of my chest and waved them in a sweeping motion, as if I were pushing the experience through me. It’s a crazy ritual, but it works for me. Doesn’t mean I am not calling Ricky again and giving him an ultimatum, it just means right now I am not going to make myself suffer needlessly.
Letting go is the magic key to spiritual growth, but it’s much harder the longer we wait, the more pain we grasp and store up. Just drop it. Now.
First Ricky Bobby and now Ricky the delivery guy! I was at an AA meeting probably 10 yrs ago in Greensboro NC and saw this sign right when I walked in, “Let Go or be Dragged.” Pretty much sums it up! Another great reading to start my day, David, thank you!
“Let Go or Be Dragged” reminds me of the story I heard from a man–he was learning to water ski, and when he fell he was so afraid and confused he held onto the tow rope! That’ll teach ya’.
Amen! Think of all the good stuff we make room for in our hearts when we let all of that energy go…someone once described it to me as a monkey on a roller coaster loop and you have to make a choice to step off the looping roller coaster. Once you do, it’s liberating! Thanks for this, David, and I hope you get the driveway fixed without clenched fists…come on Ricky!
Well, Ricky’s assistant called me yesterday afternoon and said they wanted to cut a check to cover the costs. Now, I haven’t seen the check yet, but….
So good! Let the fists unclench! We don’t naturally let go – we’re “hold on” people. Thankfully, the Spirit gently folds back our fingers to free us, when we ask.
Yes, without the Spirit we don’t have the awareness or the strength to do this on our own.
It’s ironic that it’s usually the bad and annoying stuff we grasp – we don’t hold in our hearts all the wonderful, serendipitous things…
Love the action you take, the physical, mechanical action of letting go.
That’s a good principle— if you want to manage your mind and soul, start by managing your body.
Let us know when the check clears!
Pastor David, I value your blog (and especially the book Losing Your Faith, …). I may have commented here in the past, sharing with you the loss of my daughter. Now, less than 10 months later, this extraordinary grief has resulted in the coming dissolution of my 25 year marriage. It may even result in my losing our home – the very property where my daughter’s cremains were laid to rest. Grief brings some people together and divides others, I understand. But these are losses create a blank spiritual spot in my heart. Can you help me pray, having the Lord God direct my sails? Please do not waver in your outreach. Thank you.
Donna—I want to honor the incredible losses and grief you are experiencing—yes, I’d love to talk with you further about prayer and the grace of God, which is able to save us in moments when we have come to the end of our own powers. Please send me a note at Anderson.david.robert@gmail.com so we can have a longer discussion. Praying healing and blessing for you—