The Gospel According to Vonnegut
The shortest distance between two points is usually the most boring. The fastest way of doing something is often the most mindless. Every day we have these to-do lists. Into every 24 hours we stuff 48. When we still can’t get it all done, we hire a coach who can make us even more efficient and “effective.”
In his memoir, A Man Without A Country,” Kurt Vonnegut tells his wife he needs to mail a letter and is going out to buy an envelope.
“Oh, she says, well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet? And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And see some great looking babies. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And I’ll ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is—we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And it’s like we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
Now, Jesus probably wouldn’t say, “Verily, verily I tell thee, ye must go fart around.” But that’s a rough-hewn way of saying what Jesus often said. “Consider the lilies.” You can’t do that online. “Look at the birds of the air.” Can’t do that dashing from point A to point B. “Look at the fig tree, and all the trees.” He slows down enough to notice things, little things. “When you see a cloud rising in the west, you say at once, `A shower is coming’; and so it happens.” He’s lying there watching the clouds go by.
The saints and poets don’t use Vonnegut’s wonderfully flatulent turn of phrase, but they mean the same thing. They mean, Wander the world—and wonder. Take the blue highway. Stop and talk to the crossing guard. Like Jesus, mark the clouds and trees, the birds and seeds. Listen for the cry of the lost. Pay close attention to life. Buy envelopes one at a time.
Lord knows we need more time for farting around! I love this! I drove out to Ohio this past weekend to see Charlotte and when I arrived it was a perfect spring afternoon. We decided to walk the campus from one end to the other and I couldn’t believe all that I noticed – the crunch of gravel under our feet, the birds singing, the trees bursting with new buds and the church bells ringing in the distance. This little quiet cocoon of academia tucked away seemed so much more alive than the spring I had come from. Amazing what time without any “to-dos” allows you to take in…plus no stop lights or traffic helps too!
That sounds really splendid, Lida—our kids often lead us into seasons of farting around, so enjoy that while it lasts. (But—I can tell you that grandchildren then come along and about all they want to do is have some fun.)
On my daily to-do list I read the newspaper (at least parts of it) to keep myself informed. When I want to fart around and wander through the wilderness I read poetry. I especially like poems by Mary Oliver and Rumi (eg “The Guest House”: This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival…Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”) I also like poems about nature. I just discovered a new anthology of “nature poems” by the Poet Laureate Ada Limón: You are Here: Poetry in the Natural World. Poetry allows me to briefly escape from world news, which allows my soul to breathe.
Love your reading list, Janice—I read a lot of Oliver, and Rumi too—especially that Guest House poem! But I don’t know Ada Limon—will look her up.
Your mention of Vonnegut and gospel reminded me that if I were not a Christian, I would probably be a Bokononist (Bokononism is the religion that Kurt made up in his book “Cat’s Cradle”). I’ve always suspected, David, that you and I are members of the same Karass.
Happy to be in your Karass, Michael.
Thank you, David! According to Bokanon the Karass belongs to God, who has apparently assigned us — and God only knows who else — the same Wampeter in life. (It’s simpler and funnier than it sounds.)
I had to look that wampeter up—“something around which apparently disparate people can gather.” So—it is the sacred farting around that is our center!
I love engaging with people around me, whether I know them or not. One of my favorite books is “Blue Highways” by William Least Heat Moon.
Thanks for reminding me of that wonderful book. I spend too much time on red highways—or whatever color the Interstates are.
David, I can’t believe it. Here in Berlin, as we left the hotel just now, I saw a sign above the parking garage: “Einfahrt.” I looked it up. It means “entrance.”
Having read your piece, I’m imagining a similar sign over the gate of life.
Those Germans—they sure know how to einfahrt around!
Bravo! Best and worst pun of the week.
Like taking these wonderful moments to “Find our Soul”…
Thank you, David!
Right—there’s no way to attend to the things of the heart when we’re constantly racing around.
Thank you David! As I look out at the flowering dogwood in my garden, I am ruminating on my ‘to do’ list. Instead, now I think I’ll grab a book and go sit under the dogwood and read for a bit. The rest of the things on the ‘list’ will get done in due course!
Be well.
Love seeing you under that tree, reading—enjoy!
Oh David, I just love this. I love to fart around. I think it’s my favorite pastime. Thank you for reminding me that spending time smelling the roses is important.
Good for you!
Wonderful! Thank you. My recent heath episode is teaching me to appreciate all the little (but big) details I never noticed before.
Yes, Roger, I can only imagine how that changes your perspective—and your heart.
This column really struck me. And I think others? I’ve only been following you for a few months, but it seems there were more responses to your thoughts on this subject than on most things you’ve written of late? It took me a few days to get to this column, I think because I was doing you-know-what! I’ve often been accused of “doing 360’s” while friends or family were doing more “productive” things. I am now re-examining, and am more comfortable with, my tendency to do 360’s! Thank you!
Funny I missed this one and it just popped into my e-mail. During the season of commencement speeches I still feel this one from Anna Quindlan in 2000 is the best I’ve seen…”consider the lillies of the field” is what jarred my memory – I did not know Jesus said that!
https://speakola.com/grad/anna-quindlen-villanova-university-2000